Tips for Telling Your Boyfriend

Discovering you are pregnant unexpectedly can be stressful and full of anxiety. Following the shock, you may want to avoid dealing with it all together. You can’t do that, and of course, one of the first things on your mind is telling your boyfriend. Below are a few guidelines to help prepare you for this discussion.  You can learn more about teen pregnancy from the American Pregnancy Association.

• The first step is to confirm that you are pregnant. You may have taken a home test, but it is always encouraged to follow that up with a testing center. Call the Helpline at 1-866-942-6466 to find a local testing center.
• Talking with people you trust can help relieve your anxiety and start you towards the decision that you want to make. Choose a friend or someone who will listen to you fully, not offer a lot of advice, and support you emotionally.
• Telling a close friend also gives you the opportunity to practice telling him.
• Choose a time and a setting when you both will be in reasonably good moods, relaxed and in a place with minimal distractions.
• Don’t play games or try to make him guess the news. Be candid and inform him that the two of you have gotten pregnant together.
• Avoid setting a negative mood, “I have really bad news…” Start with something more positive like your appreciation of him or the relationship.
• Be prepared for his first reactions.
  * Silence – This is a common response. Remember when you first saw the positive test. You were probably shocked and speechless. When you first tell him he will probably be shocked and speechless too. It does not mean he is not interested or will not support you. It may take a day or two before real conversation occurs.
  * “I’ll support you with whatever you want to do.” – This is also a common response. Although it sounds supportive, it is not the words you want to hear. But, think about this. This is what society tells him that he is supposed to say. He has been told that “it is her body and this is her decision.” Now that you are pregnant, he needs to know how you feel, not what society says. Possibly say something like this, “Thanks for being supportive, but I want to know what you want.”
  * “Is it mine?” Yes, this is insensitive. Unfortunately, this too is a common response. It is probably just an “in shock” response versus a true belief about your relationship.
• Be prepared for his second reactions.
  * If he maintains any of the above responses it tells you something about his character. Do you want a further relationship with this guy anyway? Do you want this relationship to continue?
  * Hopefully, after the shock goes away, he will move towards a more supportive and interactive role.
• Address your feelings. Hopefully you will feel supported, but you may feel neglected, abandoned, or betrayed. Whether you choose to talk to him, a close friend, school counselor, youth pastor or pregnancy counselor; make sure you don’t leave those feelings inside. Talk to somebody.

The Helpline is here to talk with you about each of these aspects of your unplanned pregnancy. If you need to talk to somebody our Helpline is toll-free and confidential.

Last updated: 09/2017